Keeping these entries writing related gets tougher each day. I just ate dinner and feel that sated warmth and sleepiness that comes with knowing the day is over and all my chores are done. My big kids take care of the dishes, even though I think there'll be some dispute tonight, as both were out of the house working. My son attended TAFE, the community college he does his automotive panel repair workshops at, and my daughter her casual holiday job as a cashier. Normally I enjoy the school holiday break, but it hasn't been much of one. I've needed to wake each morning around ten past six to take my son down to the train station. Some mornings I've managed to get back to bed. Most mornings I haven't. I suppose the frustrations of the mumwriter's life is where this is leading.

If hubby had a job. If he didn't need to be reminded of my need to create. If..? There's always something preventing me getting down to writing. Lack of sleep makes me really depressed, too. My state of mind just lately might have something to do with the little shut-eye I've been getting. I begin to think only negatives, to feel anything I want to attempt is hopeless and that I am incapable of achieving what I plan to, anyway.

I think it also has something to do with winter. I tend to get the blues in winter, where summer time is my best time. For my family it's the complete opposite. They love winter and can't wait to don thicker clothes, to flick the heater on and do cosy things together. I detest chilled fingertips, icy cheeks and noses, freezing cold buttocks (for some reason that's where I really feel the cold) and the mood that descends on me at this time of year.

All this lack of sunshine over the grey days of endless rain really does get to me. I attempt to write and yet nothing really happens. That's not true just lately. Really the family has had me run off my feet. I haven't had time for anything but this, my usual blog and a moment online at night. I fall into bed without even reading or doing anything else. To say I feel frustrated would be too trivial a word. I'm more than frustrated.

There's the whole no money thing going on, too. Hubby doesn't have a job, so we live on umemployment and some other government handouts. Now, I'm not unthankful for those. Without them I have no idea what we'd do, but it makes life tough. I end up doing a bunch of things I don't really have time for. They take longer than if I had the money to do them another way, but we have no choice. Having the baby to deal with is also throwing the otherwise well-ordered existence I knew before he arrived way out the window.

I think I'm really starting to annoy myself now, so I'll end this here and go post it. I don't mind if you have nothing to say to me tonight. I'm too down to really care.